Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
third nipple confirmed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
