who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize