sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
