maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
