what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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