do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
