dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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