like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
