rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
