I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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