Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
