yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My apartment stinks of burning failure
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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