I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
