You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
