The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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