just come out here and I will go home with you...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
