Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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