my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
