I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize