Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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