I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
