"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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