i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
