remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
