she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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