She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize