Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
