i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
