If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
