Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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