Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
