So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
organizing the empties. That sober.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
