I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
