I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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