when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
