I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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