I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
