Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
