Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
