does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
