Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
