I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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