In America we eat man semen.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
