hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
