I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize