i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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