He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
