Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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