Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
