Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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