kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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