i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
