dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
