You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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