Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
