On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize