I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
