home. puking in laundry basket.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
