god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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