i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
