If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
