I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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