does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
