you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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