I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
