i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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