I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize