I am full of burrito and curiosity
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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