Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
