You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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