No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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