guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
