CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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