Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
