ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
