Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
