once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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