I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
