I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
