Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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