it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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