I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
