Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Who died my cat blue again?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize