If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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