I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
