We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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