who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Let's get the cat blown out
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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