my room smells like sperm. sweet.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
