winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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