when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize