What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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